Call to Worship
Praise be to our Creator,
The Father of all compassion,
Who comforts us in our many times of need
So that we may use the same strength to comfort others.

Unison Prayer
Loving God, we thank you for our fathers, grandfathers, stepfathers and all who have cared for us with a father’s love.  We especially thank you for those who have done so in your name.  May we learn from their wisdom and honor their witness.  Amen.

Words of Assurance: 1 John 3:1, NIV
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 

The Lord’s Prayer
Our Father,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil;
for thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory forever.
Amen.

Opening Song: Cody Carnes, “Run to the Father”

Scripture:  Ephesians 6:1-4, NIV
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Sunday Sermon

As we were preparing this week’s bulletin, we ran into a weird problem. We were looking for Father’s Day clip art, and most of the pictures had pipes in them. I asked Megan if Joe smoked a pipe, and she said no. My dad used to smoke a pipe, but only rarely. So we went with a picture of a dad in a hammock. Megan said, “Joe would like that.” Joe, I hope you get some hammock time today.

(In case you’re curious, while writing the sermon I Googled “women smoking pipes” and only got one hit, a black-and-white photo of a Xhosa woman from 1972.)

But apparently there was a time when lots of fathers smoked pipes. I did a little research and found out that many of the images we have of “classic fatherhood” came from the 1950s and shows like “Father Knows Best” and “Leave It to Beaver.” According to one source, “fatherhood was framed around wisdom, stability, and calm authority. Dads (were) moral guides who solved problems with patience and confidence. (They) were dependable, composed, and always in control … calm under pressure, rarely uncertain, and almost always right in the end. They came home from work in suits, spoke with measured confidence, and approached problems with logic rather than emotion. Their role within the family was clearly structured—they were decision-makers, advisors, and stabilizing forces.”

Is that the dad you got? I must say, that doesn’t sound like my dad, but it sounds like the dad my day thought he was supposed to be. According to Megan Cooper’s article “What Life in the 1950s Was Really Like,” the “picture-perfect family never existed.” But that didn’t stop us from trying, and we’re still trying, even though the qualities of a good father have changed.

Here is how a good father is defined today, in no particular order: patient, moral, open-minded, loving, loyal, honest, amazing with kids, finding joy in simple moments, self-motivated, fun, a good listener, kind to mom and animals, able to say he’s sorry, spends time with his family, sets boundaries but explains the why, and then there’s one I don’t really agree with but I’ll list it verbatim: “doesn’t use profanity in front of kids until they are in high school.”

It’s easy to see how things have changed: from having only one set of characteristics to having many, and from hiding emotions to showing them, most especially love ~ and not just showing love by building things and bringing home the bacon, but by actually saying it and spending time with your kids.

I must say that when Ava chose “Cat’s in the Cradle” for today’s service I was like “Oh no,” because it struck home. My dad and I didn’t have the same taste in music, but we both liked this song. The problem was that he didn’t seem to get the point. He listened to it and thought of his own dad, but not of his son. And then in our family the song came true. “When you coming home son?” “I don’t know when.” Harry Chapin said he wrote the son about his own son and that “the song scared him to death.”

“Cat’s in the Cradle” is about overworking and not having time for your family, which is unfortunately still common. And since then, we’ve developed brand new ways to ignore our children. I know many parents who have told me they don’t understand why their toddlers keep throwing their cellphones in the toilet. I knew a dad who had to watch every minute of every Yankee game, and would stop playing with his kids the moment the game came on, telling them that they could watch it with him but only if they didn’t talk. And on the beach I saw a little girl running up to her parents saying, “Look, look, Daddy, look, Mommy!” and instead of answering her directly or even looking at her they turned to their nanny and one of them said, “What are we paying for you, I told you we didn’t want to see her until 5.”

Twenty years after “Cat’s in the Cradle” came out, a pop-punk band called Ugly Kid Joe re-recorded the song, and it was a hit all over again. The song still hits a chord. It is a song of regret if you’ve lived it and a cautionary tale if you haven’t. And I’m glad Ava chose it, because it helps us to talk about things we don’t always talk about.

Some people had or still have great dads, fathers they look up to, fathers who honor the Lord, fathers who work hard but always had time for their children, fathers who are show emotion, fathers who show up for games, fathers who say “I love you,” fathers worth emulating, fathers who make us grow up to want to be just like them. But others are not as fortunate. Others had terrible dads, or dads who tried but failed, or dads who didn’t try at all, or dads who left. And Father’s Day is hard for them.

If you’re in the second category, I have three pieces of advice:
1) Try your best to hold on to whatever was good and let the rest go;
2) Remember that God is still our Heavenly Father and our best example; and
3) If you are a father, or are around kids, act like the father you wish you had.

Reflection question: what good things did you learn from your father, stepfather and/or grandfathers?

My father taught me to be moral, to respect others, never to make fun of anyone, to stand up for myself, and even though I didn’t like it, to finish my homework before I went out to play. I never learned prejudice at home, because there were always different sorts of people in the house. He helped instill in me a love of reading and writing that still exists in me today.

If I were Catholic, Orthodox or Episcopalian, you would call me Father, which to be would be extremely weird. Sometimes people do it anyway and I have to correct them ~ but gently, like a good father would. If you were to add up all the people in all the churches I’ve served, that would mean that I would have been Father to thousands of children. And this was my traditional role.

Which is why, beginning today, I have decided to start smoking a pipe.

Just kidding! I am glad that I did not grow up in a time when the definitions of manhood and fatherhood were so strict. When we look at the definitions of a good father today – except for the part about not swearing in front of our children until they’re in ninth grade – they match up well with the definition of being a faithful Christian. I love that the emphasis has shifted from “not showing emotion” to “being joyful and fun,” and that men, fathers, and even pastors no longer have to insist that they have all the answers. We can have doubts and express them. We can grow along with our children. In many ways, it’s harder to be a parent now than in the 1950s, but in many ways it’s also easier as the burden of inflexible, unachievable expectations has been lifted.

And one very encouraging thing has never changed: we still have the example of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, who cries for us, who makes sacrifices for us so that we can have better lives, who has rules but knows we won;’t be perfect, who is merciful and forgiving, and who is with us in the little things: a good listener, a wonderful counselor, a creator of joy.

A happy and blessed Father’s Day to all the fathers who are here and to our Father above! Amen.

Closing Song: Chris Tomlin, “Good Good Father”

Benediction
May you feel both earthly and heavenly love,
guided and protected by our Eternal Father. Amen.